


There's No Place Like Home

by captainConcurrence



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Because I wanna try writing some different stuff, Hurt/Comfort, I'll probably tag more as I go, Karkat Swearing, Karkat is depressed, Like really depressed, Meteorstuck, Multi, POV Alternating, POV Karkat Vantas, Post-Retcon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, There's swearing, This starts around a month into the meteor roadtrip, and eventually dick jokes, but this should be primarily karkat's POV, he lightens up later, karkat is like the opposite of chill the whole time, obviously
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-19 07:47:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14232606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainConcurrence/pseuds/captainConcurrence
Summary: In which Karkat isolates himself in the first few weeks due to extreme paranoia and depression, and those closest to him try to figure out how to help him.*Discontinued*





	1. Beginning of the End

**Author's Note:**

> Just a side note, this is my first attempt at writing anything like this. So, I hope you like it :)

Tonight held an atmosphere that could be described as monotonous and morose, not unlike most days on this God forsaken rock. Actually, that is exactly how all these first few weeks have been, every single mind numbingly stagnant day, and Karkat was fucking tired of it. Tired of staring at these cold, metallic walls and dusty hallways. Nothing could convince him that these next few sweeps would be any easier. Fuck, people _have_ tried to convince him otherwise with varying degrees of effort; from Vriska’s dismissive comments telling him to quit whining like a wriggler and get over it, to Kanaya’s patient persistence to comfort Karkat and let him know that her respriteblock was always open to him if he ever needed the company. None of it helped. In the brief moments that he could tolerate the presence of another, he could almost forget about how miserable he felt, but sitting alone in his respriteblock, his only company were his novels and romcoms. But he had marathoned most of his movies and reading material within the first week, then continued to cycle through it all again until he was bored of it. He was barely able to stomach skimming through the first page of his favorite book at this point.

With no distractions, Karkat was at the mercy of his mind. Thoughts and memories that he has tried so hard to keep from surfacing, hoping that maybe paradox space was generous enough to give him just one day to breathe. All his efforts to deflect the inevitable spiral of self deprecation was in vain.

And it was just like him to be so ignorantly optimistic. Had he never any expectations from the beginning he might have spared himself the disappointment of failing his friends; he would have less blood on his hands for sure.

It was so hard to sleep the first few days with his mind racing, recalling every moment of his cowardice and replaying it over and over in his mind’s eye for his viewing pleasure. When he finally did sleep, his dreams were chock full of blood, dark hallways and screaming clowns. These dreams had driven him to force himself to stay conscious for as long as he could manage, but by depriving himself of sleep he became more jittery and delusional. His patience ran thinner than usual and people were growing tired of him with each passing day. Eventually he just decided to lock himself into his room to save everyone the trouble of dealing with him. He felt safer in here anyways, with his back pressed firmly to the wall with all corners of the room in sight. This was better. He felt better like this. This was okay.

And that’s just what he would repeat to himself until he nodded off again, startling awake whenever he started to dream. Rinse and repeat. He knew he was being melodramatic about this, that he didn’t need to be so paranoid, but it’s been over a month since he watched his friends die, and he could not stop blaming himself. He kept going over his mistakes, trying to figure what what he should have done differently, how he could have stopped it from happening, wondering if they would still be on the alpha timeline had he managed to be the fearless leader he always claimed he was. But he was not a leader, he never was. He was a failure from the beginning, doomed to be the cause of all this grief and misery. And that’s just it, from what he could glean from all this was that he was _supposed_ to fail. Paradox Space deemed it crucial that for anyone to keep playing this asinine game, he’d have to be the fool.

So the fool he was, cowering like a wriggler in his respriteblock, hoping he would just fade out of existence. If he stayed here long enough everyone would probably forget about him and how he had fucked up so much. They could live without his disgusting sack of flesh souring their day. They would probably be grateful even! _What a relief, Karkat decided to rot in his room instead of showing his pathetic face for the rest of this joyride._

This was for the best.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hhhhh SHIT  
> Okay so like  
> Im the worst at keeping up with projects  
> And writing  
> Im bad at both of those things in general but I’ll try to post stuff more often!  
> Routines are just hard  
> Hope you guys like this

Of course there was no way Karkat was going to be able to stay in his respriteblock forever, no matter how fucking much he wants to stay huddled in a corner and die alone; he has to use the bathroom every once in a while. Fortunately, past him had the foresight to pick a room closest to the restroom, so he wouldn’t have to worry about cautiously navigating the meteor every time he needed to take a leak. He’d just take a quick bathroom break, in and out, like he’s been doing for the last few… days? It feels a little longer than that, but he doesn’t really care about how long he’s been cooped up for. As far as he knows, no one else is keeping track of how long he’s been gone, so why should he?

He’s had a few close calls on these bathroom visits, but he hasn’t been spotted. Not that he expected anyone to be looking for him, he just does not want to have to explain why he’s scurrying around in the dark like a squeakbeast.

Karkat’s streak of remaining unseen ended the day he returned to his room to discover the last person he ever expected to see standing in his doorway. Dave. Fucking. Strider.

“What the ever loving _fuck_ are you doing here, Strider?” Karkat spat, startling the other boy enough to turn around.

“Ah, so he lives.” The idiot drawls, leaning casually against the doorframe behind him. “You finally done sulking in your room?”

“I’m not fucking sulking. I’m a busy guy, and I don’t have the time to stand here and humour your shitty cooldude antics. Whatever the fuck you’re here for I suggest you drag your sad excuse for a carcass out of my block and never show your ugly mug here again.” Karkat growls, moving to shove him out of his room, but the dimwit stands his ground and grabs your wrist to stop you.

”Dude, it’s been, like, two weeks. No one’s seen you anywhere or heard from you-” Karkat rips his arm out of Dave’s grip and fixes him with a cold glare.

“And so what!? Maybe I want to be left alone, I don’t need you to tell me what I already know!” He huffs and goes to move around him. Dave relents and sidles out of Karkat’s way and sighs.

“Whatever. I tried.” He slips out of his block, mumbling something about flighty broads.

Fucking shit, finally. Karkat slams his door shut and rubs at his temples with the heels of his palms vigorously in a vain attempt to halt a developing headache. He actually forgot what it felt like to have someone kickstart hours of searing head trauma directly into his thinksponge by just opening their mouth. He probably burned a good deal of brain cells just standing in Strider’s presence. There’s no coming back from that. This shit is terminal.

Two weeks.

It doesn’t feel like it’s been two weeks. It feels like no time has passed at all since he last looked at someone that wasn’t his reflection.

Karkat turns his attention to his half forgotten husktop, carelessly discarded in a dusty corner of his block. He goes to pick it up, brushing the dust and grime off the top of it, then opens it. His screen is instantly assaulted with dozens of chat windows flashing and millions of system update notifications.

”FUCK!” He screeches and scrambles to lower the brightness. Fucking damn it, that did not help his headache at all. Karkat continues to grumble obscenities to himself as he closes out of the automated system notifications, then skims over the chat windows. The most recent one was from Dave… and it was, predictably, a wall of red text. He didn’t bother reading any of the word vomit from the last two weeks until he got to the bottom of his spam.

TG: aight bro   


TG: were making this happen   


TG: im climbing the metaphorical steps to nursing our crumbling brohood back to health with feeling jams  


TG: i packed extra tissues and pillows just in case  


TG: dont actually be dead when i get there tho thatll just be all kinds of fucked  


TG: this feelings jam kind of requires you to have a pulse  


TG: man if youre reading any of this and ignoring me just stay where you are im gunna be there in five  


TG: see ya  


If this idiot’s intention was to woo you, then this was a really pathetic attempt at pale flirting, but not in a pitiful way- fuck no. This was just... bad.

The rest of the messages contained varying degrees of concern. A lot of them just asking what he’s doing or where he is and if he’s okay. Kanaya’s walls of jade text were a close match to Dave’s word vomit ramblings. He noticed her last message was an hour ago. Karkat sits down and props his husktop comfortably in his lap, then begins to type out a response.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

CG: HEY.  


GA: Karkat!  


GA: I Was Worried About You.  


CG: YEAH. I HEARD.  


CG: OR MORE LIKE READ.  


GA: Are You Okay?  


CG: YEAH.  


CG: IM FINE.  


GA: Are You Sure?  


GA: It Has Been At Least Two Weeks Since I Last Saw You In The Common Room.  


GA: What Have You Been Eating?  


CG: UH.  


CG: NOT… MUCH HONESTLY.  


GA: God Dammit Karkat.  


GA: I Will Be At Your Block Momentaily, I Just Need To Sort Some Things Out Here.  


CG: CAN IT WAIT?  


CG: I HAVE A REALLY SHITTY HEADACHE RIGHT NOW AND I’M NOT REALLY IN THE MOOD FOR MORE COMPANY.  


GA: So Dave Came By To Visit?  


CG: UNFORTUNATELY.  


CG: I SWEAR HE ONLY EXISTS TO TORMENT ME.  


CG: UGH.  


GA: Im Afraid That Was Half My Fault.  


GA: I Did Ask Him To Talk To You.  


GA: But He Seemed Already On His Way To Do So.  


GA: We’re All Very Worried About You.  


GA: Are You Sure You’re Okay?  


CG: NO, I’M NOT.  


CG: BUT IT DOESN’T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE IF I TELL YOU IF I AM OR NOT.  


CG: I STILL FEEL AWFUL AND I DON’T THINK THERE’S ANYTHING I CAN DO TO STOP FEELING LIKE THE BIGGEST SACK OF SHIT FLYING THROUGH PARADOX SPACE.  


CG: I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE.  


GA: That’s Quite Alright, Karkat.  


GA: Just Know That I’m Always Here For You If You Need Someone To Talk To.  


CG: THANKS, BUT.  


CG: NOT NOW.  


GA: Okay.  


GA: Troll Me Whenever You Want To Talk.  


GA: Don’t Be A Stranger.  


carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]  


**Author's Note:**

> If you're curious about my tumblr, I have an art blog called captainArtsy


End file.
